I'm in my dorm room and enrolled in college, what more could i say right now asides from HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!! I'M IN COLLEGE!!!! SWEEET!!!

Thank you all who at least took the time to read and leave a message for me...

It really means something to know that there are people out there who still care for me and still treat me like a friend, It's really a spirit lifter when you know that there are people around who still care and with my economical problems its good to know that I still have someone around to talk to.

Thank you all,

also, in more brighter news... I move on campus November 8th and class starts the 12th, gives me time to at least celebrate the holiday with my family and friends

Happy Halloween all (In advance!)

You know... Life really sucks for me, Yeah sure many people around think I'm all happy and cheery but christ people I just put up a wall between you so you don't know exactly how I'm feeling right now..

My dad lost his job during the summer, I graduated and can barely make enough to pay for the college I want to go to plus I've been losing all my friends that I have had since the beginning of high school betrayed by those who I poured everything out to.

I really don't like the way my life is going, I've even contemplated Suicide for Fucks sake... But I know that's not an option, it never is yet it seems so easy to do.

I've been suffering all fucking summer and I hate it... I've rarely been out of my god damn house save for work and Martial arts and even Martial arts is being a pain in my ass because of two little bastards who don't take it seriously and simply mock everything there is about it.

God... If there was anyone I ever trusted out there in the world and gave everything to, I wish they would listen to me more but they left me out in the dust and broke my heart...

Those whom I have tried to make friends with thankfully you don't give a shit who I am and will listen for even 5 minutes, those who I met in life some of you may still care... some of you may not... I don't know who to trust or to turn to anymore.

I just wish it could all end.... I'm sick of seeing how my dad is depressed about losing his job and not being able to make the payments on the house, I'm sick of seeing my mother trying to compensate by doing two jobs while she is slowly beginning to feel depressed...

I just don't know what to do... Even if I manage to go to the college I want to I'm going to en cure enough debt to make me live the rest of my life paying it off and the same for my parents which they don't need right now...

Please, someone give me some comforting words... I really need them right now, I just want to know that there is someone out there that actually listens and cares..

Ok... I know I don't update my journal regularly like clockwork but hey, we are all human and never perfect

Earlier this month I went with my friend up to albany for the Albany Games Day, a kickass event involving crazed fanatics for board games and card games... anything that you can think of goes there, and its really awsome meeting people who share the same hobbies as you. Did some Role playing early in the morning there for a game called "Paranoia" and holy crap that can go into crazy events...

Paranoia is an RP that revolves around a Computer that rules everything, and players (you) who are called trouble shooters who are tasked with missions created by the computer to do them, Color codes (the whole color spectrum) and ironically enough... Communists.. yes Communists, the whole game is litterally not to really finish the mission without someone ending up being called a communist, and if you do manage to get around without being called a communist god dang you've got some talent for lying and cheating and scandling your way through the game lol

In the afternoon of the event, went and played a little bit of Flux and Munchkins with my friends, both of which are really fun card games that can be quite aggressive if someones about to win since its basically a free for all try to beat everyone to the end game.

Before we left though, I was extremly surprised to find that they had some Armored Core models that i have been looking for all over the town and yet just above my head all day without even noticing it, they were there XD Spent nearly 80$ on the model plus brushes and paints so i can fully customize the thing when i get around to putting it together.

After that day though... the month just got better

Went to Pittsburgh recently with my folks to see the college i want to go to, and I have to say its a great college and the city itself is amazing, great view and spectacular country side.

Oh yeah, I met my friend finally after nearly a year of talking to her on DA here.. Great person and her friends are just as crazy as i am lol ^_^

We all share something in common which is art and the love of things that go boom lol

Her friend is an awsome guy to talk to, has a love for computers just as much as i do and is really funny when it comes to building things... says he has hands that can destroy with one touch but when it comes to computer fixing he's really good at that, dunno why he thinks hes horrible at it but eventually im sure we will get him to build models just like he can build computers (master works)

Also, I bought an extra monitor for my computer and its been saving me a lot of screen trouble ^_^ and im happy that i finally got my wacom to work on one screen only saving me a lot of space and i can finally work on my photoshop projects with a reference screen instead of printing poor quality photos to work on

Thats pretty much it, but it sums up my whole month... See you guys around.

O.K... I know work is fun and all when your first applying and you've been hired.

But please, after nearly 4 months of working at a grocery store, you think they would STOP PLAYING THE SAME SONGS OVER AND OVER!!!!!

Jesus, i am sick and tired of hearing love songs about some girl named Roseanna and then after that another song about Love will come again..

It's driving me insane, i mean every hour on the hour they play it and then boom another one after that, i swear if they allowed the grocery stockers to wear their own headsets or even Earplugs at that matter, i would probably be more efficient at my work.

anyways, in other news.

My friend told me i should get back into the Table Top gaming that i used to do a while back, Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy Table Top editions.

Though my books are the 4th edition and my armies were sold or given to my friends, i figure i could spend another 500$ on making an army that will beat them all, but for the time being i happened across a make shift simulator for the games.

Vassal, an interesting Java Script game that loads up modules that allow players to play table top games without spending over 500$ for it. Although i miss making and painting the models, but for now this saves me some trouble with setting up my favorite race and army style and learning a few new tactics.

head on over to [link] and download Vassal and the module for it, Its a bit complex but it can be kickass when you learn everything all over again (or if you have the codex for the armies and the rule book for the original table top, your set)

If anyone is interesting in giving it a shot though ( i Know RiskyBiznez may take interest into this, ValorB also, and SnowFyre *Definently Snowfyre if we are to play each other lol*)

Once more, i appologize for the crap for updating journals... It seems i dont really have much news in my life to really put up here lol, but hey at least ill put something up to let you guys know i am still alive.

Speaking of Still alive...

The CAKE IS A LIE!!!!
(Portal Reference)